WHO'S WHO AMONG HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS
By Daniel Yim @ http://nubs.org

In the middle of July 2004 or so, the rare occaision of my home receiving a letter of my academic excellence came in the mail from an organization named "Who's Who Among American High School Students," and I was surprised of what it told me that have I achived, but it was something that I didn't achive. Strange.

The letter said something along the lines of: "Your child, Daniel D. Yim of Clements HS, was chosen out of the millions of American high school students to be featured in our well-known book of high achieving scholars. We only ask for your child to submit a short biography for our book. The submittal of the biography can earn your child up to $20,000 in scholarships!"

"Hah," so I thought. I couldn't believe a student with a 4.0 GPA out of a 6.0 scale (I'm not proud) could possibly be "chosen" for this thing, so I concluded it was a hoax. And to prove that theory of mine, I searched Google. As I thought, the search returned some interesting results. So it's a hoax. And it's final.

I thought it was an end to that. We just don't have to respond to participate, right? Right.

Wrong. On July 9, 2004, I recieved another letter from the same organization, and when I opened it up, it looked something like this:


"What the fuck," I say.

Not..again.


Lame.

Great, they sent me another one of these, but this time it's a two-fold with a page in the middle. Interesting. Let's see what's in there!

Haha. The line that made me laugh was the one on the very top. It's kind of blurry so I'll type it out; it reads, "Congradulations! Daniel has been recommended for one of the highest academic honors awarded to less than 5% of American high school students. In order to receice this honor and take advantage of all it offers, Daniel needs to send us the required biographical information by the deadline date below."

It says to send the bio in by 7/7/04, when I received it on 7/9/04. Great.

Hilarious, isn't it?

I proceeded to the next page...

I am still like, "What the fuck. ARE THEY KIDDING ME? They actually sent me a fucking survey to do?" Well, considering that since this whole thing is still a hoax and that my entry might be invalid already due to the already-expired deadline, I will make this oppertunity for me to send in the most interesting "biography" that the Who's Who commitee will ever have featured on their book, if accepted.

So, first of all, they can assume by the name, Daniel, that I'm a male. Right? NOPE. This will be fun. I am now a Girl Scout. Why? Because I said so, bitch:

The Girls' Athletic Association...sure, I'll take that, too:

School Government? Is that dictatorship? Oh, yeah. I'm a senior:

Sports? Hell yeah. I'm the Michael Jordan of feminine athletics (and a kick-ass score keeper).

It's an honor to be a daughter of a dead American hero (that's what the organization is):

In the same section (although kind of blurry, sorry), I guess I can be a valedictorian, too:

Choir and the drill team is for pussies; I'll check that one:

I'm supposed to put "...any items not indicated on this form..." on these lines. And my college of choice and also my future career. Cool:

And at last, my beautiful signature (identity thefts about to happen):

Oh wait, there's more...
Behold, the dreaded BACK SIDE!! DAN-DUN-DUN.






This looks fun:

Ooh, ooh! Can I be a senior? Can I?

I didn't really have anything original or awkward to put on here, so I just wrote this:

Check out the prices; it even makes rich people studder:

Now it's time to whore out their expensive hoax:

And making sure I calculated right, I used my handy TI:



And finally, ladies and gentlemen, it is ready to send!

I have to put a stamp on this? They can't even afford a prepaid business-reply envelope...

But wait! On the collegeconfidential.com message board, one user who recieved this similar form said to do this about Who's Who:
By Princess_Banana (Princess_Banana) on Wednesday, May 05, 2004 - 06:53 pm
i just fill out the bio, mark "CHECK ENCLOSED" and don't send one
can't hurt right.

Good idea, Princess_Banana. Good idea:

Anyways, I don't know if I'll ever get a response out of this, but it was fun.

Thanks for reading.